ADHD partners

Have you ever wondered if your partner has undiagnosed ADHD? Or do they know they have it but you don't really understand what that means? Or you know what it means but are having trouble coping with it in your partner?

It's impact  

I have treated ADHD in relationship for over 3 decades now. I can help you understand & develop strategies for dealing with it. Maybe even appreciate it. We live in a neurodivergent world. It’s important to note that people with ADHD are typically very intelligent and well-intended. The issues they struggle with are usually not based on bad character but rather on having a brain that is chemically and physically different.

These differences can create relationship challenges in the areas of communication, bedtimes, time management, chore equity, future planning, house project management & completion.

Typical complaints

“My partner really focuses on stuff he likes but he's inconsistent. His  efforts are always uneven. Unpredictability makes me anxious."

“My wife promises me then she gets distracted and suddenly she's off in a whole different direction.”

“I nag my husband to be more stable. He says he'll try but can't ever do it. I feel like I have another child instead of a husband."

“The harder my girlfriend focuses the more frustrated she gets, then she gets snappy when I try to help. I sent her some ADHD articles then she confesses she was diagnosed with it in middle school. I thought this was a good sign, like it could be our turning point but then she claims she's outgrown it. I love her and want to marry her, but I'm nervous to be honest about how she'll handle motherhood.”

“My roommate is super outgoing on one hand, the life of the party ,always up for anything, so I love that. But it's become a pattern where certain subtleties during social interactions with my friends escape him. He offends people. It embarrasses me. My friends think he's hyper & rude, always interrupting. He doesn't see himself that way. He thinks he just a friendly, outgoing guy. He thinks they are jealous. Because of him some of my friends have pulled away. I think he's sweet and even funny sometimes but this is out of hand.”

“My husband's super smart but often makes bad decisions. He's impulsive. He's careless. It's hard on the budget. We need two incomes to make it.”

“My girlfriend can’t get organized or do normal things in a normal way.  I don't understand it because she's educated & smart. I have suggested ADHD but she get's defensive.”

“My roommate is totally enthusiastic at first but then loses steam and never finishes what she starts. Our apartment's a mess half finished projects all over the living room.”

“My husband procrastinates on everything. I have to nag him. Then we fight. I can't rely on him. I hate that side of him ."

“My partner is a total Night Owl, I'm a restless sleeper and have to get up early. He's just getting started after midnight. Night time is an ongoing battle for us.”

“My best friend since childhood jumps to conclusions, talks too much & goes off on unconnected tangents. Every one in her family has ADD. It's a mad house over there. I love her but it drives me crazy."

Familiar

If several of these patterns are present in your relationship your partner may have ADHD and it might be useful to have some sessions of Couples Therapy to understand it better. I can help you with strategies to get more in sync together.     

      ..........Warm regards, Laressa Desmond, PhD.