Infidelity, Affairs and Cheating
If you're here it's likely that the worst has happened. Perhaps you or someone that you trust has cheated. If this is the case I am very sorry for the pain that you're going through. Infidelity and trauma go hand. Toxic emotions flood into the relationship, trust is demolished, hearts broken. Choices must be made.
There are many ways to cheat on a partner. You recognize it when it happens. It's like an atomic bomb to your heart. The stabbing realization. The flood of anguish. The bits of trust scattered around the room like so many rotten snowflakes.
If you decide to get Counseling and work on saving your relationship or marriage I can help you.
After an infidelity the effects of the trauma must be healed. Although it is doable, it does take time and tremendous emotional strength to restore trust.
Toxic swirl
The anger, pain and turbulence are so profound that often you can't manage it on your own. Getting some Counseling with an experienced Couples Therapist can help you. This is an area of expertise for me.
Even if you decide to leave your relationship or marriage due to an infidelity the emotional fallout must still be dealt with so that you can move forward. If you are trying to figure out which path to take I can help you with some Counseling.
Emotional affairs are cheating
How do you know if it is an emotional affair? You meet a terrific person and feel a a great relief around them. It's both comforting and stimulating.You have a lot in common and start thinking about them when they aren't around. Something feels compelling about it.
You can't wait to tell them when something happens, they become a sort of secret best friend and while there is no sex there is a high level of intimacy. You start to reach out to them a lot. You feel great when they reach back. You share with them what you can't or don't share with your partner. You tell them about the empty spots in your relationship at home and they always understand.
They start to become emotionally important to you. You don't want to lose them. You miss them. You sneak around to have some form of contact with them, not because it has become physically sexual but because you know your partner won't like it. When asked if you have feelings for this other person you lie or minimize.
There are several problems with this kind of emotional affair. They are a slippery slope. They also keep you from fixing your own relationship and making it better. If your partner finds out it will be almost as bad as if you had sex.
Questions
People often need to work through a lot of different issues when infidelity happens occurs. Like why did this happen? How long was this going on? Is it the only time? How did it start? Should we break up over this? Can I ever trust you again? What was going on with us at the time that you cheated on me? How could you look me in the face and lie to me all those times?
Stay or Go
If you decide to stay together know that it won't be easy; there is no quick recovery from the loss of trust. Also know that many couples do get past it, and some even thrive.
If you find yourself in this situation I can help you figure out why it happened and whether it's possible, in your case, to get past it. Feel free to email me about this matter.
Email is the best way to reach me
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards,
Laressa Desmond PhD
CPC CA LMFT
Infidelity